I am working on a new project. I got the idea while preparing an application for a bursary and while my application wasn't successful, I wanted to continue with the project regardless. As soon as I had written the proposal and shaped my ideas behind it, I knew I had to do it.
I have been debating whether to show any of the work-in-progress I have made so far. The project and the way I'm taking the photos is different from what I have been working on for years and while it still has something of the fragmentary and every day that you can see in some of my other work, it is an alien thing, which makes me feel insecure and vulnerable, not just about shooting it in the first place but also about sharing it with anyone. There is this voice in the back of my mind asking "what if none of it is any good?"
I suppose that's the inherent risk with anything creative we might take on and usually there is no way to know until we see it through. Sometimes maybe not even then.
I took a chance and applied for the bursary for example, which didn't come through and maybe that knocked my confidence a little, too.
But for a while I have been in my comfort zone and longed to push myself a bit more. While this isn't the kind of experimentation I thought I would do, I'm finding the process just as interesting as I am finding it daunting. If nothing else, I hope I will have learned something about myself and photography by the end of it.
- Lea
